Seriously. Well I guess not seriously. But semi seriously.
I mean I know it’s not really a viable option but I do keep thinking all I really want is a place of my own and that so much of life would be easier if that hurdle were crossed.
Of course I could have a studio flat in the outer limits so perhaps that isn’t totally true. But really I don’t see a studio as a long term home. I would have less room in one of those than I do now.
So in terms of a real space if I could just get enough money to get either a mortgage that wasn’t crippling (with an eye to the fact that interest rates may well end up going quite a long way up in years to come) I would feel more settled.
It shouldn’t be so but I do inevitably feel like I am being left behind by those who have their flats or houses. I can tell myself a thousand times but that parents or relatives buying or giving a substantial amount of money towards a home isn’t the same as buying your own place but in reality it doesn’t matter how it’s achieved. Those people have that feeling of being settled. I appreciate that if they have a mortgage of some kind there are new worries involved of course. I know I should embrace a bohemian attitude to no one really ever owning anything
So I do partly, in my more stressed moments, wonder if it would be so bad to resort to selling myself for the things I want most. I do check myself and say this is a kind of madness, although perhaps it isn’t as crazy as it seems.