Things

I keep thinking about things. Stuff. Belongings.

One of the reasons owning my own place, as opposed to renting one, is to feel centred and secure.

Recently speaking to friends it was pointed out to me that really the bank would own most of somewhere I bought and that, although it might sound a bit arty farty, ownership is all an illusion.

I thought to myself that as long as I had a place to stay that really it’s friends and family who ground me and make me feel secure. However I don’t like constantly having things in boxes or feeling I can’t buy this book or that table because I don’t have the room. Why are things important to me? Surely if I were more high minded they wouldn’t be? I have stopped the teenage need to constantly shop for clothes but I do still have quite a lot of clothes and if I’m honest if money were no object I would buy more. The need to buy skirts, scarves and everything in-between has been replaced by a seemingly constant need to buy books and to a lesser extent cds (yes I download but I’m old fashioned I like to own something)- and of course perfume!

It did occur to me that I am partly looking for a very expensive warehouse for my things when I’m looking for a flat and that that is a kind of madness.

The little things

I have been something of a hopeless house hunter since Christmas. I have sent quite a few e-mail enquiries to agents but things must be looking up because they have not e-mailed me back (they seem to like to call you when you explicitly say you can't speak at work but never to e-mail you).

So I haven't actually seen anything for a little while.

I have become very good at looking for the little home things that you try and keep away from when you don't have your own place. The little matching plate sets and pots for seeds and all the clutter that makes a home look lived in but makes one room you rent look like a bazaar or branch of Oxfam.

In truth I wonder a lot of the time if I don't want my own place just to buy clutter. I could almost certainly fill somewhere quite well with what I already have so in truth what I need is a 5 bedroom house to fill with all many of bags for life (really why do I think I need to buy one from every shop I go in), little trinket boxes and candles.

I must stop going into home ware shops until I have a home.